"The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D"

This movie is a tragic story about a boy who doesn't fit in. An average child who fails to distinguish himself in any way, his only escape is to draw terrible pictures and imagine that the girl he has a crush on and the only boy at school that pretends he is a friend are really super-heroes. Lame ones.

Clearly this poor child is prevented by his parents from getting a healthy diet of decent comic books, Buffy novels, or classic sci-fi. Had his parents purchased him some decent Marvel graphic novels, he would be able to develop some critical analysis skills to properly judge just how dumb and uninspired his "hero" design really is, heroes who origins stories are so poorly thought out that it makes the Fantastic Four origin story seem scientifically plausible.

The movie ends when this emotionally disturbed young person has a psychotic break with reality, leaving him trapped in a terribly derivative delusion while he lives out the rest of his life in diapers and a straight-jacket. If only some had loved him enough to buy him an XBox, take him to a anime film, or even that piece of crap that was the most recent Hulk film.

Morale of the story: if your kid has no talent for art or creative story telling, distract them with proper franchise material. There's plenty of it, and who knows maybe with some time and effort your child might actually develop the skills to make up something original and interesting beyond their own stunted and ill-informed perspective.

This has been a little segment I like to call "Reviews of movies I've not seen".