(no subject)
Mar. 5th, 2003 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walbournPersonals are so weird. Here I am browsing through little tidbits of information, writing introductory e-mails in the hopes they find my 'dating resume' interesting enough to actually return the e-mail. For the most part, I never hear a work back from anyone. As a single male, I'm lost in a sea of people looking hoping to be noticed through the noise.
The whole format seems totally hit or miss. If you are lucky enough to find someone you find genuinely intriguing, and are lucky enough that they even read your e-mail much less look at your ad, lucky enough they respond and THEN things actually go somewhere when you meet them... you both at least think the other person is interesting enough to put time into the endeavor.
I guess my concern is that people through personals are attempting to put forth the image they think is appealing, even if it isn't who they really are, and the reader is responding to things they think will lead to a fulfilling connection. I know plenty of people who seem to pick things they think they want, and it doesn't work out for them because what they want isn't likely to be found in the kind of person they select for themselves. I'm all for setting goals for oneself and going for what you want, but the whole personals process encourages molding your expectations no matter how unrealistic they may become. Even if they are realistic, how many people are skipped over because they didn't textually describe themselves with the right keywords...
I know there are things I find attractive in a woman: intelligence, wit, independence, emotional vulnerability, playfulness/flirtatiousness, curiosity, creativity, and probably more than anything complexity. I'm sorta all over the map in terms of physical appearance... I like tall women, mostly because it is rare to find a girl who approaches 6' (I'm 6' 2"), but I've dated plenty of average height women. I enjoy femininity, but jeans/t-shirt girls are fine as well. I'm not fixated on breast size (I've had a girlfriend who was extremely flat-chested and I've had a girlfriend who wore a 42 double-D sized bra) or hair color (red very attractive, but I've dated women with all shades of hair color) or eye color ( blue and green tend to be more striking I suppose) . I enjoy seeing women dressed up (in the bedroom and out), but I've always found the natural minimal/no makeup look very appealing. I like what I like, and what really matters is the chemistry and how she feels about herself. I think a stronger than average libido is probably a better fit for me, as is a strong emotionally expressive side.
I know what I have to offer in a relationship: I'm honest, communicative, physical affectionate, financially stable, good at housework, can cook, have a good sense of humor (more on the sarcastic side), a giving and playful lover, supportive, loyal, up to intellectual challenge and conversation, and emotionally expressive. I know who I am, where I came from, and where I'd like to be in terms of a relationship. I enjoy my career, but I'm flexible about the details. My emotional baggage has been organized into a neat little suitcase and I don't have any skeletons hiding the closet. I'm not afraid of putting effort into a relationship.
Still, I don't know how well I can really capture who I am in a few lines of text. If I have, it hasn't appealed to many people who are themselves browsing the personals sites. Of course, the reality is that the odds are totally against me in those forums anyhow... although it doesn't hurt to try--much anyway...
The whole format seems totally hit or miss. If you are lucky enough to find someone you find genuinely intriguing, and are lucky enough that they even read your e-mail much less look at your ad, lucky enough they respond and THEN things actually go somewhere when you meet them... you both at least think the other person is interesting enough to put time into the endeavor.
I guess my concern is that people through personals are attempting to put forth the image they think is appealing, even if it isn't who they really are, and the reader is responding to things they think will lead to a fulfilling connection. I know plenty of people who seem to pick things they think they want, and it doesn't work out for them because what they want isn't likely to be found in the kind of person they select for themselves. I'm all for setting goals for oneself and going for what you want, but the whole personals process encourages molding your expectations no matter how unrealistic they may become. Even if they are realistic, how many people are skipped over because they didn't textually describe themselves with the right keywords...
I know there are things I find attractive in a woman: intelligence, wit, independence, emotional vulnerability, playfulness/flirtatiousness, curiosity, creativity, and probably more than anything complexity. I'm sorta all over the map in terms of physical appearance... I like tall women, mostly because it is rare to find a girl who approaches 6' (I'm 6' 2"), but I've dated plenty of average height women. I enjoy femininity, but jeans/t-shirt girls are fine as well. I'm not fixated on breast size (I've had a girlfriend who was extremely flat-chested and I've had a girlfriend who wore a 42 double-D sized bra) or hair color (red very attractive, but I've dated women with all shades of hair color) or eye color ( blue and green tend to be more striking I suppose) . I enjoy seeing women dressed up (in the bedroom and out), but I've always found the natural minimal/no makeup look very appealing. I like what I like, and what really matters is the chemistry and how she feels about herself. I think a stronger than average libido is probably a better fit for me, as is a strong emotionally expressive side.
I know what I have to offer in a relationship: I'm honest, communicative, physical affectionate, financially stable, good at housework, can cook, have a good sense of humor (more on the sarcastic side), a giving and playful lover, supportive, loyal, up to intellectual challenge and conversation, and emotionally expressive. I know who I am, where I came from, and where I'd like to be in terms of a relationship. I enjoy my career, but I'm flexible about the details. My emotional baggage has been organized into a neat little suitcase and I don't have any skeletons hiding the closet. I'm not afraid of putting effort into a relationship.
Still, I don't know how well I can really capture who I am in a few lines of text. If I have, it hasn't appealed to many people who are themselves browsing the personals sites. Of course, the reality is that the odds are totally against me in those forums anyhow... although it doesn't hurt to try--much anyway...
