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Aug. 6th, 2003 03:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walbourn"I think you're the least fucked-up person I've ever met
and that may be as close to the real thing as I'm ever gonna get..." -- Ani Difranco
The job search is progressing, and I had two interviews this past week which seemed to go well. Hopefully this particular stint of unemployment will be brief after all. In the meantime I'm trying to keep busy with hobbies, social engagements, and gaming to try to ensure I don't end up wallowing with too much free time on my hands.
It still seems like my personal life is... well not really alive. It is certainly much better than it was a few years back, and I'm grateful for the friends I've made since moving to Seattle. As for anything more serious than friendship, that's something that is still missing. A few women I care for but who for various reasons don't want me in their life... a few who are interested in me but I don't particularly feel that level of interest in return... and a few where the situational boundaries make it seem unlikely to be foundation of the kind of relationship I want in the long-term.
I've heard it said that you can't look for love, it will find you. I wonder if that is because falling in love requires some level of folly or unpreparedness, or simply because most people fuck it up otherwise. Certainly the women I have the clearest feelings for are also the ones that are totally unreachable. Life is full of constraints.... constraints of chance, those made by our choices and the choices of others, by the limits of social reach, by the fabric of the lives we entwine with, even the biochemistry of pheromones. The move to Seattle certainly changed the nature of many constraints in my life, but I'm never going to be free of the past.
Maybe love is just around the corner and I don't know it... maybe I'm just too timid to make the leap of faith needed. Maybe I'm not ready yet. I just know that I miss companionship, love, and emotional fulfillment... I want there to be more to life than paying bills and taxes and the basic routine of eating, excreting, breathing, and sleeping and doing things to keep my mind occupied to avoid angsting about it all.
and that may be as close to the real thing as I'm ever gonna get..." -- Ani Difranco
The job search is progressing, and I had two interviews this past week which seemed to go well. Hopefully this particular stint of unemployment will be brief after all. In the meantime I'm trying to keep busy with hobbies, social engagements, and gaming to try to ensure I don't end up wallowing with too much free time on my hands.
It still seems like my personal life is... well not really alive. It is certainly much better than it was a few years back, and I'm grateful for the friends I've made since moving to Seattle. As for anything more serious than friendship, that's something that is still missing. A few women I care for but who for various reasons don't want me in their life... a few who are interested in me but I don't particularly feel that level of interest in return... and a few where the situational boundaries make it seem unlikely to be foundation of the kind of relationship I want in the long-term.
I've heard it said that you can't look for love, it will find you. I wonder if that is because falling in love requires some level of folly or unpreparedness, or simply because most people fuck it up otherwise. Certainly the women I have the clearest feelings for are also the ones that are totally unreachable. Life is full of constraints.... constraints of chance, those made by our choices and the choices of others, by the limits of social reach, by the fabric of the lives we entwine with, even the biochemistry of pheromones. The move to Seattle certainly changed the nature of many constraints in my life, but I'm never going to be free of the past.
Maybe love is just around the corner and I don't know it... maybe I'm just too timid to make the leap of faith needed. Maybe I'm not ready yet. I just know that I miss companionship, love, and emotional fulfillment... I want there to be more to life than paying bills and taxes and the basic routine of eating, excreting, breathing, and sleeping and doing things to keep my mind occupied to avoid angsting about it all.
