walbourn

Stuff White People Like [www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.org]

#66 Recycling

"Recycling is a part of a larger theme of stuff white people like: saving the earth without having to do that much."

#54 Kitchen Gadgets

"If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: 'le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.' White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won't even have to finish your sentence."

#51 Living by the water

"To a white person, a view of water from your house is the greatest achievement in life. And you should remember this when discussing your hopes and dreams with white people. It is also important that you choose a water sport (swimming, fishing, kayaking, etc) that you pretend to like. That way, you can talk about how when you move to your waterfront property you can just wake up in the morning and [insert outdoor activity], right from your front door."

#49 Vintage

"First, it allows them to say 'oh, this? I got this shirt at Goodwill for $3.' This statement focuses the attention on the shirt, taking attention away from the $350 jeans and $200 shoes. The white person can then retain that precious 'indie' cred."

#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops

"Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company's police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable."

#47 Arts Degrees

"These degrees enable white people to spend four years of their lives reading books, writing papers and feeling great about themselves. It is a known fact that Arts students firmly believe that they are doing you/society a favor by not getting a job and reading Proust. They use this to protest for reduced tuition, more money for the arts, and special reduced student rates on things like bus passes."

#46 The Sunday New York Times

"The secret you may not know, is that deep down, all white people are desperately trying to make their life seem like an ad for a Sub Zero refrigerator, or an article in Gourmet/Bon Appetit magazine. To achieve either of these goals will set white people at ease."

#40 Apple Products

"It is also important that white people are reminded of their creativity, and remember you need a Mac to creatively check email, creatively check websites, and creatively watch DVDs on planes."

#34 Architecture

"If you want to fit in with white people you need to learn about IM Pei, Frank Lloyd Wright, Frank Gehry, and a whole swath of others. Also, be prepared to say 'Bauhaus' a lot."

#28 Not Having a TV

"On those lonely nights when white people wish they could be watching American Idol, Lost, or Grey's Anatomy, they comfort themselves by thinking of how when people talk about the show tomorrow they can say 'I didn't see it, I don't have a TV. That stuff rots your brain.'"

#19 Travelling

"What's amazing is that all white people have pretty much the same experience, but all of them believe theirs to be the first of its kind. So much so that they return to North America with ideas of writing novels and screenplays about their experience."

#15 Yoga

"Yoga is also an expensive activity. It gives white people the chance to showcase their $80 pants."

#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside

"And much like most things with white people - they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and 'into the fresh air,' and if you don't decide to go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying 'boy, this is great, X doesn't know what he/she is missing!' and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice and muesli."

#7 Diversity

"White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants."

#6 Organic Food

"It's almost guaranteed that if some Columbian drug lord can start offering 'organic' cocaine, he'll be the richest guy ever."