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Jun. 21st, 2003 01:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walbournThe other day I was flipping through channels on the radio when I caught a bit of a pop-psychologist/psychic 'help-line' show. The comment was made that before you give away your heart, you should look at your relationship objectively for what it is, not what is has the potential to become. Leaving aside the issue of how one is actually objective in a situation of such emotional weight, I was struck by something about that comment.
How much of being in love is about the potential people feel in the relationship rather than something that is actually present day-to-day? Do we fall out of love when we stop seeing the potential and see a reality that isn't what we feel we want, need, or deserve? Can romantic love exist without at least some bit of dreaming and belief in a better tomorrow?
Obviously love has been a subject of human thought for thousands of years, so I'm not going to find the answers here on LJ. Intellectually I know there are no answers to such questions, but so many of my recent experiences and heart-breaks have come down to 'potential' and vision of the future. No doubt the pain of the present makes people yearn for a better future, and I certainly seem to find the dissatisfied dreamer type very attractive, and such a woman resonates strongly with my own heart and perspective. Too often I've seen great potential only to find the women I love don't have any hope in a future with me. In such a situation, letting go for them is necessary and the only real choice...
I guess I'm not sure whether it is better to be able to see the potential or better to be able to be blind to it. Certainly being the only one to believe in a better tomorrow together is a recipe for anguish... Finding someone who is there for the long-term, still assertive and independant, and speaks to my heart these days seems to be a very hard match. I'm sure my somewhat defensive stance doesn't help, but I'm not sure how to let it all go and still learn what I need to learn from all these painful years...
How much of being in love is about the potential people feel in the relationship rather than something that is actually present day-to-day? Do we fall out of love when we stop seeing the potential and see a reality that isn't what we feel we want, need, or deserve? Can romantic love exist without at least some bit of dreaming and belief in a better tomorrow?
Obviously love has been a subject of human thought for thousands of years, so I'm not going to find the answers here on LJ. Intellectually I know there are no answers to such questions, but so many of my recent experiences and heart-breaks have come down to 'potential' and vision of the future. No doubt the pain of the present makes people yearn for a better future, and I certainly seem to find the dissatisfied dreamer type very attractive, and such a woman resonates strongly with my own heart and perspective. Too often I've seen great potential only to find the women I love don't have any hope in a future with me. In such a situation, letting go for them is necessary and the only real choice...
I guess I'm not sure whether it is better to be able to see the potential or better to be able to be blind to it. Certainly being the only one to believe in a better tomorrow together is a recipe for anguish... Finding someone who is there for the long-term, still assertive and independant, and speaks to my heart these days seems to be a very hard match. I'm sure my somewhat defensive stance doesn't help, but I'm not sure how to let it all go and still learn what I need to learn from all these painful years...
