"Where do you want to be in 4 years..."
Feb. 27th, 2006 10:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walbournSo I had my "Mid Year Discussion" today, and it went pretty well. Note that it is not called a "review". A "review" is a stressful thing that requires lots of formalized paperwork, self-evaluation, and a conversation with your boss that ends in an arbitrary number assigned to your value to the company. A "Mid Year Discussion" is a supposedly non-stressful thing that requires lots of formalized paperwork, self-evaluation, and a conversion with your boss that ends in the discussion of the arbitrary number you will likely be assigned in six months.
Anyhow, it went pretty well. I mention this because during the "discussion" my boss asked me where I wanted to be in four years at Microsoft. It struck me at that moment that my 36th birthday is Saturday and that the question was really "Where do you want to be when you are 40?" Yes, that's F-O-R-T-Y.
Holy shit. Where did those years go? Oh yeah, I spent them going to school, starting my career, getting married, starting my own business, then in the midst of immense depression, financial and personal turmoil, divorce, moving to a new city where I knew nobody, and basically starting my personal life over.
Pretty much ever since my personal life imploded, I've had a hard time making a firm statement about where I want my life to be. The game industry conditions you to not plan too far into the future, because you'll probably be laid off within 2 years. The mess I made of my life in Austin conditioned me to try to keep your dreams small, to not risk too much of your heart on love and moments of bliss because they are gone in an instant.
I know I don't want to be longing for loves who long since gave up on me, or regretting the choices I made that I feel I could've or should've done differently. I don't want to be sad at the things behind me, and would really like to be looking forward to each day to come. It's been a really long road to get to this point, and I just don't know that I want to spend another 8 years living the life of a single apartment-dwelling geek.
I guess knowing what you don't want is the first step to figuring out what you do want.
Anyhow, it went pretty well. I mention this because during the "discussion" my boss asked me where I wanted to be in four years at Microsoft. It struck me at that moment that my 36th birthday is Saturday and that the question was really "Where do you want to be when you are 40?" Yes, that's F-O-R-T-Y.
Holy shit. Where did those years go? Oh yeah, I spent them going to school, starting my career, getting married, starting my own business, then in the midst of immense depression, financial and personal turmoil, divorce, moving to a new city where I knew nobody, and basically starting my personal life over.
Pretty much ever since my personal life imploded, I've had a hard time making a firm statement about where I want my life to be. The game industry conditions you to not plan too far into the future, because you'll probably be laid off within 2 years. The mess I made of my life in Austin conditioned me to try to keep your dreams small, to not risk too much of your heart on love and moments of bliss because they are gone in an instant.
I know I don't want to be longing for loves who long since gave up on me, or regretting the choices I made that I feel I could've or should've done differently. I don't want to be sad at the things behind me, and would really like to be looking forward to each day to come. It's been a really long road to get to this point, and I just don't know that I want to spend another 8 years living the life of a single apartment-dwelling geek.
I guess knowing what you don't want is the first step to figuring out what you do want.
