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walbournOne of my Tacoma pagan friends is seriously into astrology, and I find it interesting to hear what she has to say on the topic. She says stuff like "You are the only Pisces man I've ever really liked. A real Pisces would be all emotional and crap", "Oh, you are a Gemini rising... that is why you seem emotionally detached", and "Aquarius are usually arrogant as well as intelligent, but you are so messed up [astrologically] you don't seem arrogant.". I find it amusing, a bit distressing to be pigeon-holed based on factors totally beyond my control, and I try to take this opportunity for free new-ager analysis for what it's worth...
I am deeply connected to my emotions. I have a strong intellect. I am humorous and interesting to be around. My greatest strength is my focus, and when my heart and mind are in harmony, I am in the moment to an incredible degree. It has served me well at work when I'm challenged creatively, as focus and detail-oriented behavior helps a lot when coding. It has served me well when I'm in a relationship, making moments of connection blissful and powerful for me, and making me a good partner and friend.
But my strength is also my weakness. Silly obsessive-compulsive behaviors fill my daily routine, keeping my house in neat order and my bills paid but I think makes me come across as a nutball to people who visit me. When that focus turns inward these days, I find that my heart and intellect are at cross-purposes. Life lacks the nurturing emotions my heart needs to grow and be fulfilled, and lacks any clarity or direction for my intellect to engage in or plan for. The best I can manage these days is the distractions of hobbies, focusing on very short-term financial and career goals, and trying to not focus too sharply on the future, being depressed by focusing on the present, or twisting myself into a mess of despair focusing on the past.
I'm doing better this year with growing my social circle here, and friendships are an important step towards finding real connection with others. I try to portray the image of self that I want to be: witty, bright, trustworthy, responsible, fun, and interesting. I try to be honest about my feelings and my past for those who express an interest in deeper understand of who I am, but try not to burden others with the pain I carry around inside of myself. Apparently that comes off as emotionally detached...
I am deeply connected to my emotions. I have a strong intellect. I am humorous and interesting to be around. My greatest strength is my focus, and when my heart and mind are in harmony, I am in the moment to an incredible degree. It has served me well at work when I'm challenged creatively, as focus and detail-oriented behavior helps a lot when coding. It has served me well when I'm in a relationship, making moments of connection blissful and powerful for me, and making me a good partner and friend.
But my strength is also my weakness. Silly obsessive-compulsive behaviors fill my daily routine, keeping my house in neat order and my bills paid but I think makes me come across as a nutball to people who visit me. When that focus turns inward these days, I find that my heart and intellect are at cross-purposes. Life lacks the nurturing emotions my heart needs to grow and be fulfilled, and lacks any clarity or direction for my intellect to engage in or plan for. The best I can manage these days is the distractions of hobbies, focusing on very short-term financial and career goals, and trying to not focus too sharply on the future, being depressed by focusing on the present, or twisting myself into a mess of despair focusing on the past.
I'm doing better this year with growing my social circle here, and friendships are an important step towards finding real connection with others. I try to portray the image of self that I want to be: witty, bright, trustworthy, responsible, fun, and interesting. I try to be honest about my feelings and my past for those who express an interest in deeper understand of who I am, but try not to burden others with the pain I carry around inside of myself. Apparently that comes off as emotionally detached...
