Frontline

After watching Frontline on Karl Rove, I find myself wondering about his use of the "Gay" card to scare "Bible folk" into voting his way. He was described by his life-long friends as a man driven to the point of having no personal life. Makes you wonder if it's the kind of homophobic hatred that comes from self-loathing...

In any case, I think Karl proves that politicians almost always get rewarded for tapping into the xenophobic, homophobic, racist, self-hating, short-sighted, anti-intellectual heart of America.

On a personal note, I'm glad I moved out of Texas when I did. Until Bush Sr., the state was actually a Democratic strong-hold. Of course, I think the fact that 'conservative Democrats' were so easily turned into the 'Christian right' says more about the flaws of the two-party system than it does about any 'change of heart' in Texas...

Perspective of the Onion

The Onion weighs in on the news that kept CNN busy for weeks...

Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope

"Evidently, the Bible was not intended to be taken literally, after all," John Paul II said. "Don't get me wrong: It's very nice up here--quite beautiful and serene. It's just not as fancy as what I'm accustomed to. If I'd known heaven was going to be like this, I would've taken one last tour through my 50 rooms of velvet-draped thrones and priceless oil paintings before saying 'Amen' and breathing my last."

Preparing A Living Will

If, in the event of a catastrophic brain injury, you wish to be taken off life support and kept out of the guardianship of your overprotective Catholic parents, underline those directives over and over with a thick red pen and then highlight them in bright yellow.

Late Thoughts

"I hate love I really do
never works out quite the way I want it to
the trap gets set don't they know
the walls go up and then drama beings
it's all part of the show
but it's a wonderful thing when it's happening
and it's a wonderful thing when it's happening

I hate love I'll tell you the truth
I'll be the first one there to open up the way that I'm supposed to
but it's an empty room I'm all by myself
the other part of the equation comes and goes and never takes a step
but it's a wonderful thing when it's happening
heh it's a wonderful thing when it's happening

this is how it goes we're lovely, hollow souls
without love without love
we might as well give up

I hate love I really do
but there's something to be said for all the joy that came with you
and it's a wonderful thing when it's happening
yeah it's a wonderful thing when it's happening"
-- Wonderful Thing, Garrison Starr


I'm feeling a bit morose tonight I think because of reading about CMA Beltaine coming up this weekend back in Texas. I miss those events: the warm sunny days, spring's cool breezes, the friends, the sense of community. At the same time those events are filled with the ghosts of Kim, blissful highs, disappointing lows, and everywhere in-between.

The truth is there just isn't anything like it up here. I'm definitely going to make Summerstar this year, but it is only a few hundred people instead of a 1000 and I just don't have the roots of community here.

It's been coming up on four years since I moved to Seattle. It's been seven years since I stopped living with appleang. Longer since I felt whole, happy, and generally on-track with my life.

The reality is that I'm past the point where I'll buy the illusion that things will be fixed by having a partner in my life again. The heart-break over Kim shattered any belief I had in the idea that "love conquers all"--a bitter lesson for someone who is a romantic at heart. I still believe that love is important, something worth finding and nurturing, something that motivates us to be more than we are. But love doesn't heal all wounds, it doesn't remove the memory of past pains or make others do as we might wish, and it sure as hell doesn't warp the messy reality of timing.

Being an adult means giving up the comforts of such self-delusion, learning to accept the good and the bad without giving either undue attention or credence.

But damn do I miss that illusion. That sense of profound connection. The faith that come what may your love for them will endure, that they will love you in return, and that the love itself always has some meaning. At least I was right about one out of three.