"Random Hearts"

Just watched Random Hearts on cable... not sure if I liked the film or not. Its a story of betrayal, loss, and healing albeit through highly dysfunctional means. So much of it revolves around the secrecy and taboo of 'cheating', which I have a hard time perceiving as healthy or even worth so much attention to begin with. The characters (two people whose spouse's died together in an air crash in route to a secret romantic weekend rendezvous) try to talk things through and even become lovers mostly because nobody else knows what really happened. Harrison Ford's character (a cop) is obsessed with finding out every painful and humiliating detail of his wife's tryst, while Kristin Scott Thomas' character is trying to run for congress and raise a 15 year old daughter and rediscover passion for herself.

Sadly, I can identify strongly with the Harrison character's need to hurt himself with the brutal truth, hoping to find some way to let go of the woman he loved. I spent years doing that to myself over a recent betrayal. The need and desire for an answer to "why?", even when I know intellectually there is no answer at all. People fall in love, and people fall out of love. For me, I had worked so hard for so many years on that relationship to have her simply give up when the first promising new guy shows up in her life made me question the very foundation of my feelings and the faith I put in love. It took years to find love again, only to have another lover give up for lack of hope or trust in me.

Perhaps I try too hard to make love a reality despite difficult circumstances. You'd think loyalty would count for something, but I guess I just keep asking too much of people in difficult circumstances including myself...