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Feb. 23rd, 2003 11:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walbourn"I don't believe there is just one [true love for me] anymore... There are like seven" -- Jessica Stein, Kissing Jessica Stein
OK, so I'm a hopeless romantic. Actually, a friend of mine recently suggested that "disappointed idealist" would be more accurate. I've been lucky enough to have a career I find rewarding, good overall health--although my lifestyle is in desperate need of more regular physical activity--, reasonably disciplined finances, and a lack of serious accidents or other trauma in my life.
Still, I find it a struggle to find meaning day-to-day... Maybe it is just the way someone who is prone to depression views the world. Maybe it is just a natural result of having been socially isolated most of the past four years--at first it was self-imposed during a difficult time in my life, later it was the result of a 2300 mile move to a city where I didn't know a living soul. I've always found my center through relationships, both loving someone and being loved in return. I don't like the idea of defining myself in terms of the person I'm with, yet being single leaves me feeling like half a person.
Meaning to me doesn't come through the abstractness of career accomplishment, although I find my work rewarding and enjoyable. I consider myself spiritual, but can't see myself seeking meaning through religion--my beliefs are founded in living a good life in this reality, not in some deity's plan for my life or an afterlife where suddenly things will be all good. I really don't have a drive to find meaning through having children, although I consider myself open to having a family. Contributing to charity is simply the right thing to do, I don't draw serious meaning from such actions. It is through investment in a relationship, emotional connection, honest communication, and physical chemistry that I feel a real purpose to my life.
I guess everyone struggles for meaning at some point in life, and I at least know myself well enough to know where I find it. It still seems like I'm setting myself up for problems having to rely on finding another to provide it, even if passively...
OK, so I'm a hopeless romantic. Actually, a friend of mine recently suggested that "disappointed idealist" would be more accurate. I've been lucky enough to have a career I find rewarding, good overall health--although my lifestyle is in desperate need of more regular physical activity--, reasonably disciplined finances, and a lack of serious accidents or other trauma in my life.
Still, I find it a struggle to find meaning day-to-day... Maybe it is just the way someone who is prone to depression views the world. Maybe it is just a natural result of having been socially isolated most of the past four years--at first it was self-imposed during a difficult time in my life, later it was the result of a 2300 mile move to a city where I didn't know a living soul. I've always found my center through relationships, both loving someone and being loved in return. I don't like the idea of defining myself in terms of the person I'm with, yet being single leaves me feeling like half a person.
Meaning to me doesn't come through the abstractness of career accomplishment, although I find my work rewarding and enjoyable. I consider myself spiritual, but can't see myself seeking meaning through religion--my beliefs are founded in living a good life in this reality, not in some deity's plan for my life or an afterlife where suddenly things will be all good. I really don't have a drive to find meaning through having children, although I consider myself open to having a family. Contributing to charity is simply the right thing to do, I don't draw serious meaning from such actions. It is through investment in a relationship, emotional connection, honest communication, and physical chemistry that I feel a real purpose to my life.
I guess everyone struggles for meaning at some point in life, and I at least know myself well enough to know where I find it. It still seems like I'm setting myself up for problems having to rely on finding another to provide it, even if passively...
