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walbourn"obsession / noun
1 : a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly : compelling motivation
2 : something that causes an obsession"
I know I have a tendency for obsession... It is part of my mental process. In some ways, the same tendencies that make me a focused worker, intellectually capable, a compassionate and empathetic person, a giving partner and lover, and other positive traits also bring me a lot of pain and make it difficult for me to cope with certain situations. Sometimes those that I'm in relationship with feel like I no longer care for them when my focus is drawn elsewhere for a time. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but often find myself suffering the sting of replacement and envy for the comforts others can take for granted. I'm not a needy person by nature, but I find myself so desperately lonely these days.
I believe healing comes with self-awareness, and I strive for that in my life. I seek for a healthy love in my life, not a co-dependant mire. I try to embrace the ideals of romantic love that truly speak to me, but temper them with honesty and communication. I don't expect to be handed a happy life on a silver platter, and I am more than willing to do the work to get there. Still, it is a difficult path to walk and requires someone who shares some of that perspective for a relationship to be successful in the ways I desire...
My perspective on love has not always served me well. Once could argue it never has, but I don't believe that is true. I've always tried to follow my heart and my true will, keeping to the morals I value. Sometimes I have stumbled, and many times I've been misunderstood. Too often I've been willing to give my heart quickly and completely, and now I'm afraid I'm too guarded. Finding a healthy balance is tough, and each new wound brings another scar.
I want a long-term relationship with those I love. I realize things change, and growth requires both loss and hard work. I guess I just haven't been lucky in terms of situations, and perhaps just unlucky to have found myself attracted to women who could not truly return my love for whatever reason. I don't ask for the illusion of permanency, I just want an equal partnership. I guess too many people need that illusion, and take my desire to dispel it and replace it with something more genuine as a lack of true feelings. That in itself is ironic as most of my friends think of me as one of the most empathetic and emotionally available males they know.
I don't want to love someone who cannot return that love, but I cannot undo my feelings either. I try to grieve the loss and move on, and still find a way to hang on the positive essence of those loves. Doing so when so few of my emotional needs are meet by my current living condition is much, much harder to achieve. It is difficult to see so much potential, and know that it is only in my mind's eye and nowhere else. Ultimately, love requires faith and that faith must be shared by more than one and I cannot instill or nurture that faith. It simply exists in another or it doesn't. Perhaps that is the hardest and most painful lesson I've learned.
Editors Note: I think the difference between obsession and devotion is primarily a matter of intent and reception. Unwanted, ill-conceived, or unhealthy devotion becomes obsession...
1 : a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly : compelling motivation
2 : something that causes an obsession"
I know I have a tendency for obsession... It is part of my mental process. In some ways, the same tendencies that make me a focused worker, intellectually capable, a compassionate and empathetic person, a giving partner and lover, and other positive traits also bring me a lot of pain and make it difficult for me to cope with certain situations. Sometimes those that I'm in relationship with feel like I no longer care for them when my focus is drawn elsewhere for a time. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but often find myself suffering the sting of replacement and envy for the comforts others can take for granted. I'm not a needy person by nature, but I find myself so desperately lonely these days.
I believe healing comes with self-awareness, and I strive for that in my life. I seek for a healthy love in my life, not a co-dependant mire. I try to embrace the ideals of romantic love that truly speak to me, but temper them with honesty and communication. I don't expect to be handed a happy life on a silver platter, and I am more than willing to do the work to get there. Still, it is a difficult path to walk and requires someone who shares some of that perspective for a relationship to be successful in the ways I desire...
My perspective on love has not always served me well. Once could argue it never has, but I don't believe that is true. I've always tried to follow my heart and my true will, keeping to the morals I value. Sometimes I have stumbled, and many times I've been misunderstood. Too often I've been willing to give my heart quickly and completely, and now I'm afraid I'm too guarded. Finding a healthy balance is tough, and each new wound brings another scar.
I want a long-term relationship with those I love. I realize things change, and growth requires both loss and hard work. I guess I just haven't been lucky in terms of situations, and perhaps just unlucky to have found myself attracted to women who could not truly return my love for whatever reason. I don't ask for the illusion of permanency, I just want an equal partnership. I guess too many people need that illusion, and take my desire to dispel it and replace it with something more genuine as a lack of true feelings. That in itself is ironic as most of my friends think of me as one of the most empathetic and emotionally available males they know.
I don't want to love someone who cannot return that love, but I cannot undo my feelings either. I try to grieve the loss and move on, and still find a way to hang on the positive essence of those loves. Doing so when so few of my emotional needs are meet by my current living condition is much, much harder to achieve. It is difficult to see so much potential, and know that it is only in my mind's eye and nowhere else. Ultimately, love requires faith and that faith must be shared by more than one and I cannot instill or nurture that faith. It simply exists in another or it doesn't. Perhaps that is the hardest and most painful lesson I've learned.
Editors Note: I think the difference between obsession and devotion is primarily a matter of intent and reception. Unwanted, ill-conceived, or unhealthy devotion becomes obsession...
