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Nov. 19th, 2004 12:11 pmI've been staying up a bit too late this week playing that silly Gamecube game and I'm paying for it. Being a little run-down during the day is no big deal, but I've woken up from vivid dreams about Kim a few times this week and that kinda sucks. I've been doing my best to just ignore them and the malaise tends to pass pretty quickly once I get to work, but I really wish I didn't have this kinda crap floating around my subconscious.
Part of it is the time of year. Coming up on seven years since Kim and I had anything remotely approaching a healthy dynamic. What the hell was I thinking? She and I had precisely two things in common: (a) terrifyingly strong physical and sexual chemistry, and (b) I like being a caretaker and she's damn needy. She just ended up resenting both of them, and I miss them both.
I'm still in love with her ghost, but I know the Kim I miss doesn't exist. Hell, she probably doesn't even have the same last name anymore. I doubt she wasted nearly as much of the past 7 years as I have; she probably has a husband and kids by now. Then again, she could be dead or living in a lesbian commune making candles for all I know. The truth is that I'll probably never hear from her or see her again, and if I do how could it do anything but create more heartache for me?
I'd be lying to say I was "over" her. I'm not really good at being "over" anything, but honestly this is just a minor irritation compared to the pit of despair where I once dwelled. Move along.
Update: Upon further reflection, I realize I spoke in haste. We had four things in common. In addition to the two above, we also had common friends in the Austin pagan/alternative community and a taste for Chuy's fajitas with lots of cheese. And yes, I miss all four of those things.
Part of it is the time of year. Coming up on seven years since Kim and I had anything remotely approaching a healthy dynamic. What the hell was I thinking? She and I had precisely two things in common: (a) terrifyingly strong physical and sexual chemistry, and (b) I like being a caretaker and she's damn needy. She just ended up resenting both of them, and I miss them both.
I'm still in love with her ghost, but I know the Kim I miss doesn't exist. Hell, she probably doesn't even have the same last name anymore. I doubt she wasted nearly as much of the past 7 years as I have; she probably has a husband and kids by now. Then again, she could be dead or living in a lesbian commune making candles for all I know. The truth is that I'll probably never hear from her or see her again, and if I do how could it do anything but create more heartache for me?
I'd be lying to say I was "over" her. I'm not really good at being "over" anything, but honestly this is just a minor irritation compared to the pit of despair where I once dwelled. Move along.
Update: Upon further reflection, I realize I spoke in haste. We had four things in common. In addition to the two above, we also had common friends in the Austin pagan/alternative community and a taste for Chuy's fajitas with lots of cheese. And yes, I miss all four of those things.
