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Fellowship 9/11 is a pretty funny spoof of Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, but you have to put up with a lot of terrible fanboy costuming as well as the fact that the creators don't like Michael one bit.

"We couldn't just invade Mordor and fight a war with Sauron when we were fighting a war with Saruman, so a lie was put forth: that Sauron and Saruman were working togoether!

...

Yes, peace-loving oil-rich Mordor."

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"John, I going to tell you something. I never actually put this into words before. I love shooting things."
-- D'Argo

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John: "Do you love John Crichton? Not him, not me...John Crichton."

Aeryn (softly): "Yes."

...

Aeryn: "Do you love Aeryn Sun?"

John: "Beyond hope."


I made it through another five episodes of Season 4. I still have quite a ways to go before I'm ready to watch Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars, but I have part 1 recorded and ready for viewing. It is easy to remember why I loved this show so much, but it also reminds why I didn't watch season 4 for the past three years despite having them all on tape.

I loved this show from the beginning for a couple of reasons. Obviously great effects and characters, but I think I identify (perhaps too strongly) with Crichton. He's a man struggling to find his place in the world. He also can't let anything go, particularly his love for Aeryn despite the constant pain it brings him. What keeps him going are the moments when Aeryn does allow herself to show her love for him, passionately but fleeting.

My therapist back in Austin once said we do our strongest and most powerful learning from intermittent reward. Like rats, you push that pedal over, and over, and over again knowing that one of these times that delicious food pellet will fall out. That is exactly how the courtship of Kim set things up for me, and like Crichton every moment was a test of something--I thought perseverance, but perhaps it was simply a foolish willingness to get hurt, over and over again and keep coming back for more. Ultimately I did the work to reach her, only to have her change her mind and run away, coloring all that effort and constant reassurance of my love with fear, doubt, and mistrust. Not only once, but three or four times. But the feelings and passion I had for her was so overwhelming and intense, life just seemed empty without her.

The difference is, of course, that Crichton's love tries in her own ways to return that love, she simply doesn't know how. Kim might have felt that way for a while, but eventually she just stopped loving me. Nobody's really to blame when love ends, but gods how it hurts when only half that flame goes out.

Three years ago, the pain portrayed on screen was much, much too close to my own heart. What's more, Farscape is the show Andrea and I were ostensibly getting together to watch the first time we made love--as I recall, we didn't make more than ten minutes into the first episode. The whole thing just made me homesick for the past.

I still have the echo of all that in my heart, but the distance of time makes it easier to just watch the damn show rather than dwell on pointless crap like unhealed emotional wounds, or the women for whom my heart still yearns. At least I can enjoy the show now for what it is: great fun and an emotional roller-coaster of action, betrayal, and fate bringing together and tearing apart lovers and friends, complete with incredibly witty dialogue.