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Oct. 24th, 2003

walbourn: (Default)
"and then I tell you
'you know honey, love doesn't know distance'
and then you turn around and look at me and say
'yeah but my arms do'

oh yeah but you
don't want and you don't need
and you don't wait and you don't love
but you don't know yeah you don't know how I feel
so don't call me and don't write
and don't you dare tell me that you miss me tonight
cause I need someone who's going be home when I get there"
-- Melissa Ferrick, Little Love


Sometimes sad music reinforces my feelings of sadness, like a soundtrack for feelings I feel intensely. Other times, it is somewhat freeing to have an artist put a moment to music with just the right lyrics, holding it in a way that no amount of 'wallowing' could match. It's there to admire for it's resonance and the memories it captures, but it doesn't return me to that place emotionally. I can appreciate the sentiment, but not get caught up in in it. Had I discovered Melissa Ferrick five years ago I probably would have felt like it was a 'soundtrack'. Instead, it is just great music that I empathize with, but don't want to 'live'. Been there, done that, and I hope for Melissa's sake she can sing the music without being stuck in that place cause it is no way to live a life.

All in all, my life is much as it has been for a few years now but I feel pretty good about it. Employment helps my outlook a lot, having friends here is an immense comfort, and having lovers in my life even without a 'relationship' with a capital R brings me a sense of intimacy and connection I've lived without for too long. I don't have a clue where my life is heading--if it is even heading anywhere--but I can simply hope for health, companionship, prosperity, and hopefully someday lasting love. For now, that's good enough.

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walbourn

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