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Jun. 26th, 2003 09:21 amTremendously strange dreams last night. They included a restaurant run by Ozzie Osborne, a 4-segment houseboat, a lot of replacement angst over Andrea, finding out a gamer friend also was dumped by Andrea (which is not remotely true), strange games in a pool involving floating bowling balls, and stabbing myself emotionally by seeing Andrea living with someone else.
Could whatever portion of my brain that likes to dwell on these negative emotions and is unable to ever let go of people even when they clearly don't deserve loyalty or further investment please step forward. I'd like to have you taken out back and shot.
At least I didn't wake up feeling like hammered crap as those dreams once made me feel like. I'm sure staying up until 1am watching an Annie Lenox interview on Charlie Rose complete with some of her angsty solo stuff helped contribute to the intensity of the dreams.
Damn I miss Andrea. I don't think it was ever a mistake to love her or Kim or anyone else I've ever loved in my life. The mistake I made with Andrea was believing that we had enough of a basis to survive a year or two of long-distance commuting given that she has deep and serious trust issues with being loved. I just wanted it to work out somehow so much... No doubt I saw more potential there than the present reality, which is what I'm still so in love with--and the fact that I had felt pretty much zero hope for any relationship previous to that for something like 3 years certainly added some desperation on my part to the mix. I don't think I even really know the girl as she really is anymore... What's more I don't think she ever really knew me despite all my efforts to establish our relationship on honest communication and mutual understanding.
Hopefully I can make it to work on time today. My alarm wasn't quite so successful in getting me up this morning, but the feline backup system decided to actually work this morning by demanding drinkies and window openage... It is much more effective if she does this after the alarm has gone off and not an hour before...
Could whatever portion of my brain that likes to dwell on these negative emotions and is unable to ever let go of people even when they clearly don't deserve loyalty or further investment please step forward. I'd like to have you taken out back and shot.
At least I didn't wake up feeling like hammered crap as those dreams once made me feel like. I'm sure staying up until 1am watching an Annie Lenox interview on Charlie Rose complete with some of her angsty solo stuff helped contribute to the intensity of the dreams.
Damn I miss Andrea. I don't think it was ever a mistake to love her or Kim or anyone else I've ever loved in my life. The mistake I made with Andrea was believing that we had enough of a basis to survive a year or two of long-distance commuting given that she has deep and serious trust issues with being loved. I just wanted it to work out somehow so much... No doubt I saw more potential there than the present reality, which is what I'm still so in love with--and the fact that I had felt pretty much zero hope for any relationship previous to that for something like 3 years certainly added some desperation on my part to the mix. I don't think I even really know the girl as she really is anymore... What's more I don't think she ever really knew me despite all my efforts to establish our relationship on honest communication and mutual understanding.
Hopefully I can make it to work on time today. My alarm wasn't quite so successful in getting me up this morning, but the feline backup system decided to actually work this morning by demanding drinkies and window openage... It is much more effective if she does this after the alarm has gone off and not an hour before...
