"Finding someone special..."
Jul. 3rd, 2004 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
walbournThe other night while reading some of the technical/science magazines that tend pile up over the month, I noticed an ad for some Internet dating service that had a sample matching question. The question was "I have a love/hate relationship with food--I love it while I'm eating but I feel guilty for every calorie I consume" with the usual "Complete Agree" to "Completely Disagree" range of response.
My response was WTF!?
I mean, I totally agree that one needs to have some common ground to form any relationship, and a stronger overlap for a life-long relationship. But do we really expect to match our perspective dates in neurosis as well? Look, I'm an OCD neat-freak and I'd probably be happier living with someone who appreciates and contributes to neatness, but another OCD neat-freak would probably result in really ugly fights. Besides, wouldn't having a carbon-copy of yourself be boring? What is there to learn about one another except how much you don't like certain aspects of yourself as expressed in such a mirror.
I think too many people think they know what they want, and using services like this tends to encourage people to think purely intellectually about their 'ideal match'. Some think they always deserve 'better' and don't invest in the things they have; some think they don't deserve what they do have and work to sabotage it. It is important to not have diametric views on a broad swath of issues, but that is a long way from being 'same-same'.
These kinds of matches may be fun to play with and to get some basic overlap, but how one fits with a lover seldom requires alignment on such trivial quirks like an unhealthy relationship with food...
Of course,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
loree suggested that such a question could work if used to find a tie with a question like: "I like skinny lovers who spend all their time obsessing about their weight..."
My response was WTF!?
I mean, I totally agree that one needs to have some common ground to form any relationship, and a stronger overlap for a life-long relationship. But do we really expect to match our perspective dates in neurosis as well? Look, I'm an OCD neat-freak and I'd probably be happier living with someone who appreciates and contributes to neatness, but another OCD neat-freak would probably result in really ugly fights. Besides, wouldn't having a carbon-copy of yourself be boring? What is there to learn about one another except how much you don't like certain aspects of yourself as expressed in such a mirror.
I think too many people think they know what they want, and using services like this tends to encourage people to think purely intellectually about their 'ideal match'. Some think they always deserve 'better' and don't invest in the things they have; some think they don't deserve what they do have and work to sabotage it. It is important to not have diametric views on a broad swath of issues, but that is a long way from being 'same-same'.
These kinds of matches may be fun to play with and to get some basic overlap, but how one fits with a lover seldom requires alignment on such trivial quirks like an unhealthy relationship with food...
Of course,
loree suggested that such a question could work if used to find a tie with a question like: "I like skinny lovers who spend all their time obsessing about their weight..."
