walbourn | The Three Musketeers

Three Musketeers was a silly good time--much like most of the Milla-vehicles of the past few years. Here is the scene I imagine at the original brainstorm meeting that resulted in this film.

We have this license for "The Three Musketeers"? Why don't we do something with that?

Um, wasn't the last one with that Charlie Sheen guy? No way we get the money for that one.

Um, well, how about we do a reboot? We've done a lot of those!

True. You know who would be great for that, Milla! She's big with the 20 something demo.

Milla as one of Musketeers... I don't see it.

Oh! How about we do something like "Alien vs. Predator"!

The Three Musketeers vs. Milla! I like it!

Lots of great costumes and CG for sure, but... We need something more "of now". The last one was done in like the 90s.

Hold on, let me take this call...

Ok, we have Orlando Bloom's agent on the line.

Oooo! Milla and Orlando. Awesome!

Alright, so what actually happens in this movie?

Oh, right, um...

Er...

Besides sword fights?

Sword fights? That's so very "Lord of the Rings". We need something fresh.

Guns! Aren't musketeers guys with muskets or something?

How about pirates! They have swords and guns.

That's good. "Pirates" made a mint. But we need something else. How about "steampunk"? That's hot now.

Steampunk Pirates!

Airships!

Awesome!

So, Milla & Orlando vs. The Three Musketeers! With airships!

What else?

Um. How about a love triangle! With Milla, Orlando, and one of the Musketeers.

I like it! Very "Twilight".

I know, let's go for a sorta "Mission Impossible" meets "CSI" plot! That will totally put asses in the seats!

Sold. Let's do the whole thing in Germany and get some of that government sponsorship money!

Done! Let's do lunch.

All that said, it was a rocking good time... and I'm even looking forward to the heavily hinted sequel. Then again, I liked Ultraviolet