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I've come to the conclusion February is a tough damn month.
appleang and I separated in a February, making this the eighth anniversary of my return to living alone. It's far enough into winter that you are sick of the cold, but there's still at least another month of it. Throw in things like the silly Hallmark-holiday that is V-Day and you've got a recipe for depression. For most of my life I had no real opinion about Valentine's as a holiday. The only person who was really into it was Kim, which translated into one great Valentine's Day for us and five years of disappointment to follow. Actually, the same thing happened with birthdays. Well, really my entire relationship with Kim could be summed up in the same terms.
As I've repeatedly told myself for years: let. it. the. f*ck. go.
In any case, at the concert last week I heard this song by Dar and it seemed to really capture the angst of February.
"I threw your keys in the water, I looked back
they'd frozen halfway down in the ice
they froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners
even after the anger, it all turned silent, and
the everyday turned solitary
so we came to february
first we forgot where we'd planted those bulbs last year
then we forgot that we'd planted at all
then we forgot what plants are altogether
and I blamed you for my freezing and forgetting and
the nights were long and cold and scary
can we live through february
you know I think christmas was a long red glare
shot up like a warning, we gave presents without cards
and then the snow
and then the snow came, we were always out shoveling
and we'd drop to sleep exhausted
then we'd wake up, and its snowing
and february was so long that it lasted into march
and found us walking a path alone together
you stopped and pointed and you said "that's a crocus"
and I said "what's a crocus?" and you said "its a flower"
I tried to remember, but I said "what's a flower?"
you said "I still love you"
the leaves were turning as we drove to the hardware store
my new lover made me keys to the house
and when we got home, well we just started chopping wood
because you never know how next year will be
and well gather all our arms can carry
I have lost to february"
-- Dar Williams, February
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As I've repeatedly told myself for years: let. it. the. f*ck. go.
In any case, at the concert last week I heard this song by Dar and it seemed to really capture the angst of February.
"I threw your keys in the water, I looked back
they'd frozen halfway down in the ice
they froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners
even after the anger, it all turned silent, and
the everyday turned solitary
so we came to february
first we forgot where we'd planted those bulbs last year
then we forgot that we'd planted at all
then we forgot what plants are altogether
and I blamed you for my freezing and forgetting and
the nights were long and cold and scary
can we live through february
you know I think christmas was a long red glare
shot up like a warning, we gave presents without cards
and then the snow
and then the snow came, we were always out shoveling
and we'd drop to sleep exhausted
then we'd wake up, and its snowing
and february was so long that it lasted into march
and found us walking a path alone together
you stopped and pointed and you said "that's a crocus"
and I said "what's a crocus?" and you said "its a flower"
I tried to remember, but I said "what's a flower?"
you said "I still love you"
the leaves were turning as we drove to the hardware store
my new lover made me keys to the house
and when we got home, well we just started chopping wood
because you never know how next year will be
and well gather all our arms can carry
I have lost to february"
-- Dar Williams, February