Horse, beaten dead

"but who's it hurting now?
who's the one that's stuck?
who's it torturing now
with an antique knot in her stomach?

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us"
-- Alanis Morissette, This Grudge

It's been nearly seven years since Kim and I had anything approaching an actual dating relationship, and three years since I've seen the woman, so why the hell is my subconscious still dragging that corpse out in my dreams? I wish I could just finally forget about her once and for all. She spent most of our relationship pushing me away, so you'd think I'd have gotten the clue a long time ago but nooooo... At least I didn't wake up with the urge to cry, just that lingering sense of bitterness and faded anger.

Its bad enough to be in love with someone who cannot return it, but to be in love with someone who doesn't even exist anymore except in some little room in my mind is just plain stupid. All this suffering for maybe five or ten months of time I didn't feel like I was fighting for the scraps of her attention is even more stupid.

Oh well, as they used to say on Ally McBeal: "Bygones."

jeliza has been gone a week and will not be back for another week, so I'm sure that is playing into my dip in mood, as is the isolation at work this week I would guess...

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Despite a grumpy start to the day, I've had a reasonably productive one so far. Did some more server maintenance since it is easiest to accomplish while the whole group is out of the office, some application profiling, and continued to represent the DRG group at the daily WAR meetings with my boss out of town--he usually attends them.

Since I've only been at Microsoft a month or so, it was perhaps a bit too early for me to witness the spectacle that is an 'Executive WAR' meeting. The stated purpose of such meetings is to triage bugs and be a place for all the individual component groups can have conflicts resolved, etc. It also seems to be dealing with process development, post mortems, bug analysis, and whatever initiative the upper echelon has decided to push for the week. It is where the politics of Microsoft meets the realities of software development at a managerial level, and frankly it is kinda scary how much has to be revisited and rehashed in a meeting that takes place every single day of the week for an hour. They are informative for me to get up to speed with what is going on in the wider group, but at times a chore to sit through.

I've heard it said that there are two things one should never see being made: sausage and Texas law. I think it would be fair to add a third thing to that list: Microsoft software.

With my boss taking vacation for several weeks soon, I'm guessing my fellow Dev would rather not go to these meetings either. Perhaps we'll flip for it each day :>

It also helped my mood that I had lunch at Celtic Bayou and had a cute server working my table...

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RNC Daily Show Webpage... Check out the videos for some funny, funny stuff.

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Dear Fake Parents in AOL ad:

Perhaps your computer wouldn't be messed up if you didn't let your child bang on the fucking thing with a hammer!

kthanksgoodbye